We are all suffering. There is a fair chance that you are suffering right now and are looking for balm - a word, an idea, a sentence, a medicine - that may help ease your pain. As a man who has suffered, I am no different from anyone else. But I want to understand my suffering and replace it with peace. If I can’t do that, if my suffering is unavoidable, then I at least want to make sense of it. I want my suffering to be for a reason. My stay on this planet is not a long one, maybe for one century if I’m blessed, so I don’t really want to spend any of it suffering unless I can profit from the experience. We can all endure suffering if we know why.

Suffering is the body’s way of telling us that something is wrong. And if we keep covering the message with artificial blankets - painkillers, alcohol, denial - we might never know what the suffering means. Failure to receive the message could kill us or worse still, it could cause us to lead a miserable life of unnecessary pain.

From my limited understanding, there are two kinds of suffering. The suffering that we inflict on ourselves and the suffering that is inflicted upon us by circumstances.

The suffering that we bring on ourselves should be eradicated, if it’s possible. There is no joy and little gain in suffering unnecessarily. To stop this kind of suffering, we need self-honesty. Nearly all suffering can be traced back to the self. If you are really honest, if you own everything, if you place yourself at the cause and expect nothing from anyone, and if you can stop your negative thoughts, most of your suffering will end.

No one can offend us, no one can let us down, no one can abandon us, disappoint us, make us jealous, cheat us, make us envious, angry, greedy, depressed, poor, fat or unfit. These are all the circumstances that we readily accept, perhaps because we do not know any better or perhaps because we are too lazy to change.

At one time or another, I have fallen into all these categories. But I have since learnt to recognise that I am the centre of my universe. The responsibility for my health, wealth and happiness lies not with the hospitals and doctors, not with the government and certainty not with other people. The moment we rely on outside forces for our well-being, we become their prisoners.

If your suffering is health related, why not make it your life’s mission to understand your body; find out how to get well and stay well. Become an expert, become the most knowledgeable person on this planet with regards to your health.

If your suffering is financial, who do you think is going to change the situation if you don’t? There is no one coming to your rescue. There are no more heroes. Upgrade yourself, learn a new skill. Don’t blame any outside forces. Don’t blame the economy. Blame is the predictable response of the masses and once employed it knows no end. So get out there, earn your worth and ease your suffering.

If your suffering is mental, make it your life’s work to understand the evolution of human behaviours and put that information to work for you. In fact, make that information public, so that you not only ease your own suffering, you ease the suffering of all those who find themselves in your situation. Scour the internet, invest in books, lectures and courses. Talk to those who have been there and survived, ask them for their secrets, then put that information into use and be the proof that it works.

These options are open to everyone. But information will not drop out of the sky. You need to hunt it down. It can be done. It has been done.

What I have learnt from my suffering is that I don’t like it very much. But if I can’t get out of it immediately, I am going to learn as much from it as I can. Much of the stuff that I have learnt in the last 46 years, has come directly from periods of suffering. In fact, I would say that personal development is a natural by-product of enduring pain, that is, if you are wise enough to look inside rather than outside.

When we are suffering, we tend to look for an escape. If there is a way out, my recommendation is that you take it. But heed the advice on offer. Your suffering wants you to see something. Do not turn away. Address it right now if you can. If you don’t, you will find yourself back in the middle of your suffering, again and again, until you get it. Once you are in possession of the vital information you need, leave your suffering behind. Take responsibility, make decisions, change and adapt. Do what is necessary but leave the pain behind.

Pain is a great adviser. Suffering is a wise counsel. If you are brave enough to look closely at them, they offer you great secrets. The answer is always hidden within the problem.

Suffering ceases to be suffering when we truly lose our fear of suffering. 

No one can help you with this. It’s up to you. Once you take responsibility for yourself, you will draw assistance from every living corner of the universe.